Comedy
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If you're drinking champagne at 8 a.m. you're an alcoholic, but if you add orange juice it's just an early brunch.
Posted: November 12, 2011, 12:00 am
This woman wouldn't let me hold her baby the other day because she said I was too drunk. First of all, don't bring your baby into the bar. And second of all, if I'm drinking malt liquor on a playground, I call that a bar.
Posted: November 12, 2011, 12:00 am
I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles -- they don't have one that says 'oops.'
Posted: November 10, 2011, 2:00 am
I don't drink, and I don't do drugs, but I'll take a pill. I'll take any pill, you know what I mean? 'Cause pills can't hurt me! 'Cause they're made by companies.
Posted: July 27, 2011, 12:00 am
You've got seconds to live, and whoever invented this thing gave it five syllables. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of a rush job? ... Shouldn't they at least call it defibrillnow?
Posted: April 30, 2011, 12:15 am
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